Entries before sleep.
September 24th, 2008

old notes 2004 – sternberg research

The three components of love (Sternberg, 1986)

a. Passion – an intense physiological desire for someone

b. Intimacy – the feeling that one can share one’s thoughts/actions with another

c. Commitment – willingness to stay with a person through good and bad the seven forms of love

1. Liking

– involves some level of intimacy, closeness, understanding and affection

– but no passion and no commitment

– e.g. some friendships

2. Infatuation

– passion is high

– no intimacy or commitment

– e.g. “love at first sight”

– infatuation can end quickly

3. Empty love

– a relationship that has lost it’s passion and intimacy

– but remains high on commitment

4. Romantic love

– passion is high

– intimacy is high

– but no commitment has developed

5. Fatuous love

– passion is high

– “swept off their feet”

– commitment is high but premature

– no time for intimacy to develop

– “marry in haste, repent at leisure”

6. Companionate love

– intimacy is high

– commitment is high

– passion is low, or has diminished

– e.g. long term friendships & marriages

7. Consummate love

– passion, intimacy and commitment all remain high

– but the relationship has to be worked at to maintain all these features

by micca | Posted in books | No Comments » | Tags:
September 21st, 2008

eat pray love?

Everyone’s telling me to read the infamous Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat, pray, love. I’ve finally gotten my hands onto it but I’m not exactly keen to read it yet.

I’m supposed to be moving on really well and work’spretty awesome, but I can’t deny the fact that i still leave office feeling miserable most of the evenings, especially during the hour long bus rides accompanied with songs that never fail to illustrate a love story in my head. Sometimes to avoid that, I have to cab home – minimise the whole mental discomfort.

Recently I’ve purchased an essential oil that has the ability to make you sleep, almost immediately after burning. On my first night, I overslept and after every other night, i woke up often with a good dream to recall. About dreams, the most recent one was about me and him discovering a house within a room in my present apartment. In it, the ‘secret’ house emitted a bright warm light shining at us. We walked towards the light and in front of us was a huge home theatre, soft canvas sofa and everyone in my family was there, even my nieces, nephews, relatives I see once a year, were in the crowd. The rest of the dream were gone. I’ve come to realise that dreams are like perfume, they smell so good but such fragrance don’t usually last as long as you want them to be.

Friday was probably the best night of this year, having it spent with my 2 greatest buddies. We’ve gotten closer once again and tomorrow, we’re going to be separated for about eight months. Ping’s heading back to London. I hope that dude comes back next year with better stories to tell. See you soon.

Also to all of you, have a good week.

by micca | Posted in books, dreams, people, personal | No Comments » |
September 2nd, 2008


by micca | Posted in illustrations, personal | No Comments » |
July 9th, 2008

by micca | Posted in people, photography | No Comments » |
July 8th, 2008

a good shower

this is the emergency exit / smoking area of my new office. if you haven’t noticed, there’s no shelter.
the stairs and floor have holes on them. when the people at the upper level water their plants, you’ll see a similar scene like the picture.

by micca | Posted in nature, photography | No Comments » |
June 13th, 2008

Protected: Hopeless

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May 10th, 2008

I’ll be seeing you

While packing my room, I thought I need to hear some movies on my speakers (it’s a habit, I need some music, television or radio turned on whenever I’m alone). So I decided to watch The Notebook again.

2 hours later, my room’s not packed at all and my sleeves are wet.

Noah is such a beautiful character. If only such a boy exists.

by micca | Posted in films | No Comments » |
May 6th, 2008

about sleep

can’t sleep.

I’m waiting for a good dream. Haven’t had any exciting one for a long time.

wondering if I should sleep.

Yes. (now i recall, must be the tea. )

by micca | Posted in dreams | No Comments » |
May 6th, 2008

Oh Soo Jung

by micca | Posted in people, photography | No Comments » |
May 1st, 2008

worms nation

When I got out of the hospital,  there was a terrible itch on my scalp. I scratched it and was pricked by something. As I pulled it out, I didn’t react the way I’m supposed to be – shocked. A fucking meal-worm was resting on my scalp. I carried on walking, and begin to realise the whole town was infested with worms; our bodies had meal-worms all over, the trees had worms dangling on strings, and the man on the bench had it in his jacket. It looked like it was normal, I wasn’t afraid, I just got a little irritated by the itch and was awaken by the meal-worm that bit my leg.

Two nights ago, I had a series of random dream. I can’t really remember much except seeing a sea coved with waves. Not those typical waves, but those filled with white foam and they came like killer waves but at a slower speed.

On the night Apatsra left for Thailand, she called me and sounded odd. For a moment, in the dream, I thought I was talking to her spirit. Her voice was low and i pictured a pale faced woman during the conversation. I was so bothered by this dream and had to call her to check if she’s doing well. Thank god she picked up my call.

Well, I’d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

by micca | Posted in dreams, people, personal | No Comments » |
April 14th, 2008

Dad and his Lennon Legend book

Last November I got my dad a dvd on the beatles first U.S tour dvd as a birthday present.
Last Saturday I was bored and decided to watch it.

Now I can’t stop wanting to know Beatles and the best part, I found this on the sofa when I got back from work :

Lennon Legend: An illustrated Life of John Lennon

I flipped through the pages and told my he looked (when he was in his 20s) like Paul in some of the pictures and he said he rather look like Johnny in the cover.

This book wrapped my monday blues away.

by micca | Posted in books, family | No Comments » |
March 29th, 2008

The Orphanage

The Plot
A woman brings her family back to her childhood home, where she opens an orphanage for handicapped children. Before long, her son starts to communicate with an invisible new friend.

Reading the plot bores me but after watching the film, I’m speechless. Finally no more long hair, blood and predictable shocking scenes.

If The Orphanage is an artwork, it’s going to be a masterpiece. I like how the camera moves, the art direction, storyline and the pacing of the film. It wasn’t draggy like Pan’s Labyrinth but both films were similar in a way- their very strong art direction. Seems like they’ve spent a lot of time on props and make up. The story is really awesome. I’m going to watch out for Guillermo del Toro’s film from now on.

Spanish horror is taking over Asian horror.

Brilliant, brilliant.

by micca | Posted in films | No Comments » |
March 25th, 2008

yet another sleepless night.

Once, i lived for nothing.
Then i lived for more of him.
Now, i live for what?

by micca | Posted in personal | No Comments » |
March 15th, 2008

Immediately after I woke up

My dream in 3 parts, vaguely.

1. I was in an old flat, whatever the happened in the unit I was in, I can’t recall much except my curtains were of livid blue and I was cold, lying on the sofa, watching the tv then I got out of the house.

2. At a (bigger than normal) pasar malam- I was waiting for my soup to be ready. I stood in front of the woman making the soup and she forcefully told her daughter to stand in front of the bowl of soup (her back was facing me). Somehow I felt something was wrong. I stole a glance before they knew and to my horror, she was making her daughter spit the seaweed from her mouth into the soup.   The sight was really gross and I told her I didn’t want it anymore. She gave me a killer stare.

3. We were in a room. 3 of us. He did me first and later the girl in front of me disappeared. The next moment, both of us were on the floor, his head on my back.  I was reading the bible and he was reading a tiny red book. (Strangely I could feel his head on my bare back even though it was only a dream.) Not long after, his dad came in and saw us on the floor covered with blankets. I felt guilty for an unknown reason. Elliott went out the room with his dad and told me (we conversed without talking) to wait for him.

And he came back with something that broke my heart. Bloody cane marks. There were no question of doubt why all these happened ( perhaps dreams really don’t make sense). He looked like the most helpless man when I nursed his wounds, and…

4. The room changed into a living room. A relative was teaching her baby how to walk beside me. The baby came to me and I carried her around. I was really delighted to see the baby and this feeling stopped when I realised Elliott was nowhere in sight.

I woke up.

by micca | Posted in dreams | No Comments » |
March 11th, 2008

feign ignorance

feign ignorance when u don’t feel like carrying on a conversation. i thought it was the most direct way to shut someone up but he just went on and on and on…

i was really down the entire day. i felt the rain was deliberate and being alone on such a night could easily kill me. elliott smith was my medicine, my invisible companion. he’s probably an angel now too because his voice makes me calm. however too much of him makes me suicidal for an unknown reason, especially listening to true love, which is on repeat right now.

i desire happiness so much more than before.

by micca | Posted in personal | No Comments » |
March 9th, 2008

veronika decides to die

She picked up the four packs of sleeping pills from her bedside table. Instead of crushing them and mixing them with water, she decided to take them one by one, because there is always a gap between intention and action, and she wanted to feel free to turn back halfway. However, with each pill she swallowed, she felt more convinced: after five minutes the packs were empty.

I’ve been ambitionless. why do I keep thinking abt Hong Kong? If you haven’t already known, I was there last week. I miss everything there and among all my trips, I love this the most because Ass reads the map and we really explored the places with our feet. If only we could stay there for a longer time.
pictures here

by micca | Posted in books, dreams, people, personal, photography | No Comments » |
January 20th, 2008

Watch this film.


When 13-year-old Adriana (Paulina Gaitan) is kidnapped by sex traffickers in Mexico City, her 17-year-old brother, Jorge (Cesar Ramos), sets off on a desperate mission to save her.

Trapped by an underground network of international thugs who earn millions exploiting their human cargo, Adriana’s only friend throughout her ordeal is Veronica (Alicja Bachleda), a young Polish woman captured by the same criminal gang. As Jorge dodges overwhelming obstacles to track the girl’s abductors, he meets Ray (Kevin Kline), a Texas cop whose own family loss leads him to become an ally.

From the barrios of Mexico City and the treacherous Rio Grande border, to a secret internet sex slave auction and a tense confrontation at a stash house in suburban New Jersey, Ray and Jorge forge a close bond as they frantically pursue Adriana’s kidnappers before she is sold and disappears into a brutal underworld from which few victims ever return.

by micca | Posted in films | No Comments » |
January 8th, 2008

good times together again. mid-late 2007

behind every happy face lies a sad truth.
they can’t undo them, nor can they reveal.
this is what i believe.

by micca | Posted in people, photography | 2 Comments » |
January 7th, 2008

nightwalk after fish soup with milk

One night,

made me walk an endless route with her.

We walked past several interesting shops; even though at that time they’re all closed.
Then we headed to her house and met TERROR (with caps).

TERROR’s a naughty and silly young cat.
That’s all about that night.

by micca | Posted in people, photography | 1 Comment » |
January 6th, 2008

they gave me a series of odd dreams

by micca | Posted in photography | 4 Comments » |
January 6th, 2008

my niece, gayle

i can play dressing-up games all day ( cos mommy’s not around)!
by micca | Posted in family, personal | 9 Comments » |
October 25th, 2007

Never try to trick me with a kiss

Never try to trick me with a kiss
Pretending that the birds are here to stay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

A stone can masquerade where no heart is
And virgins rise where lustful Venus lay:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

Our noble doctor claims the pain is his,
While stricken patients let him have his say;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Each virile bachelor dreads paralysis,
The old maid in the gable cries all day:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

The suave eternal serpents promise bliss
To mortal children longing to be gay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Sooner or later something goes amiss;
The singing birds pack up and fly away;
So never try to trick me with a kiss:
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Sylvia Plath

by micca | Posted in poetry | 4 Comments » |
October 13th, 2007

Protected: :c

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September 25th, 2007

Faking Winter

by micca | Posted in photography | 7 Comments » |
September 11th, 2007

our last meeting before he leaves for LCC.

yong ping and suhery at 22, still the same.

Soon after this shot was taken, we headed to the balcony and talked about Illuminati, army, rain clouds, orgasm day in brazil, girls and I can’t remember the rest. Our last moments were lying on the ‘rooftop’ in rows and talking about how fast the clouds were travelling and hussein yong ping spotted a hole in the sky and said “That’s the sky’s asshole.”

by micca | Posted in dreams, people | 7 Comments » |
September 4th, 2007

In Thailand, taxis are in hot pink and buses are in red

or green.

And traffic’s really bad in the day.

If you’re lucky, you’ll see an elephant by the side of the road.

went with some school mates. that’s


 in the first 2, from the left.

Bags of goodies.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments » |
August 31st, 2007

every morning.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments » |
August 30th, 2007

she’s like elliott smith.


Read the rest of this entry »

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments » |
August 30th, 2007

with cj

These were taken a year an a half ago (shortly after graduation), if I didn’t remember wrongly, the venue was sembawang jetty and it was really, really hot. CJ and I were setting up the location before the rest of the crews arrived. During our breaks we both talked about our future and CJ mentioned about being a pilot. I can’t remember what I told her but it’s definitely not a graphic/web designer.

So after that day, we went home roasted and never met again.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments » |
August 21st, 2007

this was my weekend, with friends and cats 1

Yvonne, whom I haven’t seen for years is finally back from milan.
In this picture she’s whispering to kiki.
I’m notsure what she’d said to him but kiki looks bored.

look at those eyes.

apatsra xoxo

jessica and keith.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment » |
August 15th, 2007

find your own comfort

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments » |
August 13th, 2007

Attn: violentlycute



by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments » |
August 11th, 2007

this song reminds me of this scene

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments » | Tags:
July 31st, 2007

this is a mixture of math and masked men

The couple held hands while waiting for the lift.
When the door opens, there were 5 men in japanese fox masks. One of them spoke after several seconds of silence.
“If you enter this lift, there’s a probability of 3:5 are killers and they will kill you.”
Annoyed and puzzled at the same time, the couple couldn’t be bothered. They entered the lift and suddenly 3 of those masked men stepped out. For an unknown reason, the couple quickly got out of the lift.

The door closed.

(Picture the couple standing in front of 3 masked men, each holding on to a blue plastic bag. )
” Among these three plastic bags, two of them are weapons. Please pick one.” 
The guy told the girl to step aside as he pointed at the middle bag. The fox men laughed and opened it. In it was a plastic knife; the one kids used to play. Immediately they threw it towards the girl. The girl caught it and threw it back at them. Now the men in fox masks were chasing  them. The couple ran around the entire building and eventually committed suicide by jumping out of windows near the lift.

I saw men crawling out from the floor mat, from the windows and walls.

Did I tell you what I was in this dream?

I was a security camera.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments » | Tags:
July 16th, 2007

elliott smith

He waved hello, silent like a mime
There’s no changing my mind
I won’t walk the stairs with you tonight
Going nowhere
The clock moved a quarter of a turn
The time it took a cigarette to burn
She said, “You got a lot of things to learn”

Saw you move a certain way
Missed you a lot
Return to this abandoned place
Should have been forgot
Echoes drown the conversation out
Echoes that only seem to bring about
A silent expression
Things you may allow
Going nowhere

The steps made a pattern
I’d never seen
I felt like a kid of six or seventeen
I was off in some empty daydream
Going nowhere
It’s dead and gone, matter of fact
Maybe for the best
Said some things you can’t take back
Honestly I guess

The old records
Sitting on the floor
The ones I can’t
Put on anymore
He walked over to her like before
Going nowhere
Going nowhere
Going nowhere

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments » | Tags:
June 15th, 2007

:) mighty fine already!

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments » |
June 7th, 2007

我一生沒做壞事 為何這樣?

All in 3 days:
3. Fungus in my camera.
2. Handphone stolen.
1. Breaking down in front of my family.

Just when I thought I could save more money this month, I lost my phone. I simply can’t understand wtf is wrong. I was so distracted in the bus last night. When it was time to alight, I dragged myself to the exit and stood there waiting for the door to be opened only to realise that I didn’t press the bell.
Every single day this week had a problem, including today. The zip on my skirt went crazy and I couldn’t find the safety pin in my bag. I felt like taking it off.
I’m too tired to even be frustrated yet alone hold on to my skirt as I walk.

Am I in a nightmare?

“… 我一生沒做壞事 為何這樣?”
That’s from Leslie Cheung’s suicide note. (exactly the same thought.)

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments » |
June 6th, 2007

ha ha ha

monday was only an hour.
tuesday was four.
wednesday is going to be 0.

back in school was easy to stay awake for 4 days. now i depend on drugs to keep me awake so i can compensate my personal time from work. am i saying it correctly?

when i looked into the mirror earlier this morning, i can’t believe it was me.
I used to apply eyeliner to look fiercer (yes i stole that word from lady vengence) and cool. Now, I used it reluctantly with concealer, colour corrector and lipshit to make sure I look presentable at work.

and what colour are your hands?
mine’s turning pale and slightly greenish.

my memory’s failing. I can’t remember my age on saturday and called my grandma at 3am last night thinking it was bin’s number.

i haven’t washed all the things in the basin and changed the light bulb in my room.
You see, I didn’t even slack. except spending ten minutes typing this and why am I always running out of time? To make things worst, I’m a crazy nervous blind fug when I’m left with a few hours to deadline. By the way, I meant now. 3 more hours to finish up my work.

where the hell is my right brain?

p.s/ I can’t get this song off my head. urgh.

the spinning top made a sound like a train across the valley
fading, oh so quiet but constant ’til it passed
over the ridge into the distances
written on your ticket to remind you where to stop
and when to get off

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments » |
June 5th, 2007


When i told her that everything along the corridor was gray and made me feel uneasy,
she said, “Next time just look at the red (bar) above when walking.”

I started doing that since then.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments » |
June 5th, 2007

china town has changed and sago lane’s temple is insanely huge.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments » | Tags:
June 5th, 2007

Saturday was made up of
1. tawadee
2. shrek 3 ( free tix from company!)
3. maxwell congee
4. maad at red dot
It was pretty interesting but I didn’t spend much time there. On the way to my office upstairs to collect my ipod, I told tawadee everything is gray along the corridor ( except the row of metal bar that’s above us, is red). We both agreed it’s quite depressing to walk past that corridor and she came up with something sweet. ” Next time just look at the red when walking.” I started doing that today.
5. wong kai wai and silly horror flicks marathon
Basically tawadee gave me a surprise by bringing vic’s collection of wong.kw’s movies. We watched a few of them and the last one was in the mood for love. She fell asleep and I was trying to stay awake till the 2nd last chapter. Then after the show ended, she was awaken by the sudden loud volume from the tv because that darn remote control wasn’t functioning. We didn’t know what else to watch hence we decided to take a break and played area 51. After 20 minutes or so, we got bored again and switched to channel 8 and stephen chow was on tv. Late night movies are always repeating. We made tom yam and garden salad for supper before we carried on with babel. Halfway through we gave up cos the visuals paused every few seconds. Our last movie was. the cello, a korean horror flick. No actually our last movie was acted by andy lau. i can’t remember the title, it’s the one the kid grew up very fast after eating some magic potion. 6. naughty bum bum
I’ve never encountered a cat like bum bum. She’s so playful and makes me afraid of her. Her favourite past time is hiding under the bed and without making any noises, she would jump onto your feet and run back to the hiding place. My heart is too weak for that.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments » |
June 1st, 2007

you have to see this.

yes, click!
by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments » |
May 15th, 2007

ping’s fuckingawesome place.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 18 Comments » |
May 14th, 2007

at apatsra’s new place

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments » |
May 9th, 2007

mushroom head

hello, wherever you are.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments » |
May 6th, 2007

these beautiful gifts

Read the rest of this entry »

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments » |
May 6th, 2007

kat kat- kiki’s housecat

Charlie’s the cat’s mom.

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments » |
April 17th, 2007




// 杨乃文-我离开我自己

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments » |
April 14th, 2007

dazzling street lights

by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments » |
April 9th, 2007


by micca | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments » |

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